Life, Leadership and Business

Sunday, 21 May 2017

Dating over 40

So, recently i conducted a dating survey. Personally, I had no luck with the dating thing, and I thought I would research to find out why I was having such rotten luck. There was the time a date walked out her house, saw my car and burst out laughing. She went back into the house and slammed the door, leaving me to fend off angry ridgebacks, a closing gate and a crushed ego. Then there was the time I got so nervous I just blabbered on like an idiot. I was nervous. No one makes me nervous, but that was a date I would like to do over, a lady I would like to re-meet, a second chance at a first impression. We all know that doesn’t happen.

Angrily plonking a survey together, I threw it out onto the world wide web, and was shocked by the response. Firstly, the numbers were overwhelming; secondly the content was filled with twists and turns. I will dump the results online soon and you can make of it what you will, but first here is a summery of what I took out of it. Take it as a man’s view of dating over 40. Here are the top 5 things that stood out:

1.       Ladies, he loves you. At some point you have to decide you believe that he loves you and stop throwing challenges as test in his way. We hear you don’t want your man to let you walk away. We don’t want you to walk away, but when the tests keep coming, we start doubting that we will ever reach the level you set for us. Men, here’s the thing – she thinks you are at the level, and just wants to know it’s for her.

2.       Sometimes it is about connection. No ladies, not sex. Believe it or not, there are men out there that want a real connection with your mind. Don’t be offended because they are not pawing at your body. They saw your curves. They want your curves. They also want to understand you and be understood.  As we get older, we have fewer chances of finding a partner. Wrinkles and dimples don’t matter as much as knowing you are accepted

3.       Dating at forty plus, we know there is baggage. Ex-lovers, children, financial issues all squeezed into the “I’m divorced over 40 travel bag.” If we had proper coping mechanisms we wouldn’t be divorced in the first place. It’s not about being perfect, that horse bolted a long time ago, but it is about communication. We need to keep the channels of open and honest communication between you and the hopeful. Maybe you don’t want to share your dirty laundry, and that’s fine. But please, keep talking. It’s when we stop talking to each other that the rejection of the past turns into the school grounds bully and rips the last shred of hope from our being. Talk to each other, no matter how hard things are.

4.       Oh, the double standards thing. Hmm, this is hard to explain. It boils down to – do you know how you want an open and honest relationship? Most people do, but you know how you have a string of potential connections on your phone or other social media accounts that you don’t want those potential partners to know about? That is a double standard and that’s not on. You have to be willing to be open and honest as well as expect it. I know a lot of relationships that didn’t happen because there were too many double standards communicated within the first couple of dates. Get to know yourself, who you are and what you want before you make conflicting demands from potential partners.

5.       People are going into relationships with the back door open and a queue of people hoping for a better connection, just waiting. Relationships are work. Hard work. But it’s not going to have any value if you know there is someone on a “hook” waiting in the wings for the relationship to fail. Any issues or pressure causes these “dating junkies” to drop everything and flee to the next relationship. Beware the social butterflies that don’t want to be seen with you in public, and have a string of opposite gender “friends” contacting them – relentlessly.

So, be careful out there and good luck with finding that new love.  Let me know if there are any statistics in specific you would like from the survey. I will gladly post them.

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